


just a small bump unborn

by stylinsonau



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, But only a little, Character Death, Emotions, Lots of Crying, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Mpreg Harry, Mpreg Louis, There's smut, and miscarriages, angsty, i don't know anything about babies, i'm not good with sex and all that, inaccurate information, larry smut, larry stylinson - Freeform, lots of emotions, pregnant!Harry, sorry - Freeform, yay smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 13:59:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3770860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinsonau/pseuds/stylinsonau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Your baby didn’t make it.” </p><p>or</p><p>an mpreg!au where Harry and Louis has been given a miracle, but it slipped off their hold faster than they could grasp it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	just a small bump unborn

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a doctor, nor do I know anything about babies and miscarriage. Bear with me. 
> 
> I've had this fanfic shoved into my files for a long time, but now I had the chance to finish it. Hope you enjoy :) 11,000 words isn't quite easy.

“Holy shit.” Harry gasps, eyes rolling back into his head as his mouth falls open in bliss, “God, Louis. _Fucking-_ I’m close.. so close, baby.”

Louis lifts himself up on his hands, before gathering Harry better in his arms before fastening his pace, groaning to himself. He makes a dangerous decision of glancing down to see Harry’s rim, red and wet, engulfing Louis’ moving length, _in, out, in, out, breathe, grind, in, out._

Harry moans incredibly loud that he’s sure that their neighbor’s frame hung up tilted to the side, “So good, Louis. _Louis, ngh,_ ugh fuck- make me come, please.”

“God, you’re so beautiful, darling.” Louis moans out, leaning down to kiss the lad. Harry gasps into the kiss, which is sure to be filled with saliva, tongue and teeth.

“I love you, Louis.”

Louis breathlessly chuckles, pushing Harry’s hair back, “So affectionate, lovely. I love you, too.” Louis gives a sudden, sharp thrust up and Harry comes right there, head thrown back and a loud groan escaping from his lips, ending his orgasm with a whimper. Louis thrusts, deciding to just pop inside, because well, they’ve only been sleeping with each other for five years now, and they’re first time are also with each other, so yes.

Louis thrusts one more time before stiffening, coming hard inside Harry. The lad winces, but strokes Louis’ hair through it. Louis pulls out after receiving his high, gasping softly before collapsing beside Harry, “Shit, that was amazing, darling.”

 _Darling,_ Harry loves it.

He yawns, cuddling close to Louis with a small smile. Louis’ nose scrunches, sweaty and clammy skin making contact, “We smell, Haz. I’m afraid one of us has to get up to—“

Harry pouts, looking up at the other with wide glistening eyes, freshly fucked.

Louis groans, pecking Harry softly in the lips before standing up to retrieve a wet towel.

-

“Hey.” Louis pecks Harry on the cheek as the lad emerges into the kitchen, “Good morning.”

“Is there food?” Harry rubs his sleep eye.

Louis chuckles, “Sit down for second. I have to finish cooking the soup.” It was cold for December, and winter’s coming. Harry loves winter, whereas Louis hates it; cold water, cold metal handles, cold toilet seats and everything is cold.

“It’s cold today.” Harry says like both of them don’t notice. He tugs on the sleeve of his sweater higher up his palms.

“Hm...” Louis hums back, preparing their table, “Tea or coffee?”

“Tea, please.” Harry sits down on the table, hugging a leg up to his chest and resting his chin on it. Louis wants to fuck him, and love him altogether.

Louis makes Harry and himself cups of coffee before putting the mugs down on their table with a light kiss on Harry's forehead. “Eat up.”

Harry pukes his breakfast on the toilet half an hour later. He and Louis are just cuddling on the couch when he had to run off to the bathroom to throw up. Louis rushed to his aid immediately, stroking Harry’s back and pulling back his hair gently.

“Hey, hey.” Louis frowns in worry, “Are you alright?”

“I don’t know.” Harry whines, standing up to brush his teeth. Louis flushes the toilet down with a wince.

“Are you sure? I can buy you medicine and stuff. Make an appointment with the doctor? Would we need that?” Louis asks, already worried.

“It’s just puking, Louis.” Harry’s voice is slightly muffled with his toothbrush, “Maybe it’s something you put on my tea.”

“Mean,” Louis sighs, “Okay, we’ll pass it up this time. But after the second time happens, we’ll go to the doctor because it wouldn’t be just a coincidence anymore.”

“Yes sir.”

It becomes more than a coincidence. It happens once a day, if they’re unlucky, twice; one in the morning, and sometime in the middle of the night. The morning is when Harry feels his worst, and the cold isn’t helping at all. Harry would always curl up in their cold bed sheets and his nose buried into Louis’ pillow. Louis would try to get him to eat breakfast, but Harry passes it up and eats a cracker instead; because that seemed like the only thing Harry can keep on his stomach.

“Just two more days. Stupid doctor appointment taking too long.” Louis huffs, “But maybe you can take the medicine I bought you yesterday. That seems to work, right?”

Harry nods, pushing himself off the couch and slowly trudging to the kitchen. He comes back later, snuggling under Louis’ arm and curling up.

Two days later comes by and they’re waiting in the waiting room. It’s loud and full of magazines and children whining and women chatting. Harry and Louis stay seated the entire time, fingers intertwined. Sometimes Louis would lift it up and kiss the back of it. The women are offensive enough to stop their conversation about cats breastfeeding just to look at them.

Soon, it was their turn, their names getting called and being led to a room. They sit beside each other as a doctor pops in, smiling at them, “Good afternoon, gentlemen. You can call me Dr. Wellington.”

They greet her back with a polite smile, but Louis can’t help but put a nervous hand on Harry’s knee, patting softly. Dr. White removes her glasses, letting it hang loosely around her neck like a necklace, “So who will do the checkup?”

“I will.”

She takes out a clipboard and a pen, “Louis Tomlinson? Will you—“

“Harry Styles.” Harry corrects her.

“Sorry about that.” She smiles, “Will you tell me how have you been feeling these past few days?”

“Um…” Harry glances over to Louis but decides to answer it independently, “Well, it’s like a flu.. I think. I don’t feel my best during morning but when afternoon comes, I’m okay. Although I can never keep any breakfast down except for some crackers.”

“So, it’s like, the pain is in the stomach?”

“Quite.” Harry’s answer gives scare to Louis.

“Alright, come with me to the back and I’ll give you a quick look for your vitals and such.” Both the doctor and Harry stand up, and Louis is left in the office with himself.

He thinks he’s more nervous than Harry is. Harry could feel pain in his stomach and Louis feels like he’s feeling it, too. He doesn’t want anything to happen to Harry. If something does, he prays that the worse of it is only flu, and it would go away in a couple of days.

Dr. White and Harry comes back, and the woman has a skeptical look on her face, digging a small container with a screw lid, “There’s something weird with the results—“

Louis frowns, “What do you mean?”

“Don’t worry. Nothing’s wrong. Just unusual.” Dr. White smiles before turning to Harry, “Mr. Styles, I need a urine sample. The bathroom is over there.” Harry takes the cup before walking over to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Louis sighs, “Please tell me what’s so unusual about his tests? I’m the one going mental over here.”

“I can tell that you’re a really great husband, or boyfriend.” She waves a hand, “But his blood tests are weird, and the only thing we need is the urine, then we’ll check it before I can tell you both what’s really wrong.”

“It isn’t just flu, is it? Or… stomach flu, maybe?”

“It looks like it’s something more than that.” Dr. White nods, “You see, it’s weird, but he’s got results which _pregnant_ women usually have. They’re testing positive for pregnancy.”

Louis splutters, choking on his spit, “What? Pregnancy, wha—he’s a man. He can’t—“

“There isn’t a correct theory about it yet, but all over the world, there are at least half of 1% of the male population gets pregnant for some odd reason.” Dr. White explains, “It could be because of an attached uterus, but there are other plenty reasons because of this. You could say it’s a miracle.”

“You are messing with me right now.” Louis has his head in his hands, “How can Harry have a baby?”

“Sexual intercourse, Mr. Tomlinson.” She sighs, “But you need to take care of this baby, if he really turns out positive. Harry’s body or any pregnant man’s body is in a high risk of heavy complications throughout the pregnancy.  It’ll be worse for both the carrier and the baby than in the women’s.”

“So you’re saying that Harry can _die_ from this?” Louis starts to panic, “And our baby, too?!”

“We need to make sure there _is_ a baby first.”

The bathroom door opens with Harry holding up his cup of pee. Dr. White takes it to have it tested as Harry takes the towel she offered to wipe his hands with. He sits down beside Louis on the two-seater couch and Louis’ hand immediately falls on his thigh, tensing up. Harry looks at him with a worried look, “Something wrong?”

“Nothing,” Louis licks his lips, “But... if you’re feeling anything, _anything at all,_ you’ll tell me, alright?”

“There we go again,” Harry sighs but forces a smile, “It’s just stomach flu, and maybe after the tests, everything will be completely fine and maybe all I need is some medicine to calm it down.”

“Promise?”

Harry knows he can’t, because well, nobody knows what could happen with the tests but he does it to soothe Louis, “Promise.”

After quite some time, the doctor finally comes over, “Both tests are weird, and it’s confusing me. We’ll just use the ultrasound, but I’m sure it’s like some sort of fiber that gives off the symptoms.”

Both of the boys’ eyes widened, looking at each other with worried looks, and Louis looks like he could pass out any moment. Dr. White beckons, “Don’t panic. Let’s do the ultrasound.”

Harry hesitantly lies on the cot as the doctor messes with the machine, turning it on and pressing a few buttons and stuff. She pulls out a container containing some sort of gel, “Can you pull up your shirt over your stomach for me, lad?”

Harry listens, and it’s the only time Louis gets to examine it. It is indeed grown, just a tiny bit, but the pudge of a stomach wouldn’t be as firm as Harry’s.  Louis simply takes Harry’s hand and kisses the back of it. Dr. White begins to spread the gel onto Harry’s stomach and he shivers, giggling slightly, “It’s cold.”

“It is.”

Louis’ heart is pounding and Harry isn’t bothered by it, but his palms are slowly starting to sweat out of nervousness. He doesn’t know why he’s getting antsy, but it’s Harry. Even if it’s a simple paper cut, he would lose his shit. If something were to happen to Harry more than stomach flu, Louis doesn’t know how he could handle it. Jay had been pregnant for five times now, and two of those times, Louis gets to see how her check up went when Dan wasn’t around. And it was for _pregnant people,_ this procedure, taking blood and urine tests and making Harry lay in this bed while the doctor spreads some gel on his stomach.

“Is there something wrong with me?” Harry asked.

Louis sighed, running his free hand through his hair, “Haz, don’t say that. You’re making me nervous.”

“There’s …” Dr. White lifts up her glasses higher up her nose as she examined the blobby black and white screen. Too soon. “It appears that ... his stomach has something under it.”

Louis frowns, snapping his gaze to the screen after receiving the knowing look Dr. White sent him, “Dr. White...” He leans in to examine the screen. He is confused, and messed up. Everything was in black and a light gray and in the middle bottom lays a small black blob. Louis points at it with a shaky finger, “It’s…?”

“It’s what it looks like, Mr. Tomlinson.”

“You’re kidding.” Louis shakes his head, letting go of Harry’s hand. The curly lad reaches for his hand again, “You’re lying. That’s not real!”

“It is, Mr. Tomlinson.” Dr. White says.

“Do I have cancer?” Harry asks between them, confusedly furrowing his eyebrows.

Louis glances back at his boyfriend, eyes softening. Harry only smiles back which make Louis look back at the doctor, “So… like, he’s _really_ pregnant?”

“What?” Harry squeaks.

“You can see it that way.” Dr. White nods. “That is the fetus, small as a large coin, maybe.” The doctor continues on, but Louis stays staring at the floor, immobile. Thousands are running around his head, while Harry simply listens to the lady, confusion weighing down his shoulders, “But… doctor, how?”

“There isn’t any proven theory yet.” Dr. White says, “But it is possible. I told this to Mr. Tomlinson here earlier, but having a baby could be dangerous for both you and the baby, Mr. Styles. We’d perform c-section, _if_ you managed to grow yourself and your baby until nine months.”

“What?” Harry glances towards Louis, “What do you mean, if?”

“Your body and your system is not tolerating a _baby,_ Mr. Styles. It’s not made for pregnancy, but technically and miraculously, yours is. We wouldn’t know why until we research about it, but we need to be strict at the rules and the things you need to do if you’re planning to keep this baby. You are, though, right?” Dr. White asks.

Harry nods instantly, “Of course! We’ll keep him… or her, right, Louis?”

Louis only snaps back from his thoughts as he looks at Harry with a deep frown on his face, staying silent. He watches as Harry’s grin slowly fade little by little, “Lou?”

Louis doesn’t answer right away; he doesn’t answer at all.

___

“You’re .. quiet.” Harry mumbles as Louis climbs into the car after having Harry stayed buckled into his seat.

Louis glances towards his lover before taking his hand, kissing the back of it softly before saying, “It’s just sudden news.”

 _Sudden_ really isn’t the adjective Harry wants Louis to use, but he nods nonetheless, “I know. I mean, I’m a guy and guys can’t get pregnant.”

“Harry, please.”

“Sorry.”

The ride home is quiet and unbearable. The radio is turned completely off and only the sound of the engine rumbling as well as the sudden squeaks of the breaks whenever Louis would press down hard against the breaks too hard. Harry would jerk in his seat, placing a hand under the seatbelt strap and to his stomach to block out the slight pressure pressed into it.

Louis can sense Harry’s uneasiness by the way he looks over and grabs Harry’s hand, “’M sorry. Nerves and all.”

Harry gulps because all he can do is nod and understand, “It’s okay.”

Parking into the driveway, Louis is the first one to get out of the car while Harry still unbuckles himself from his seat. As he goes to open his door, he hears the front door of the house slam close. He looks back to find it closed and unmoving. Harry slumps against the passenger seat, slapping a hand against his forehead, a knowing look on his face.

He follows Louis inside the house after closing the door, “Louis?!”

It was a silent few seconds before he can hear Louis calling out, “Shower, Haz!” before he hears the water running down the hall. Harry simply pads to the livingroom and sits down on the couch, grabbing the large envelope that was pinned between his arm and torso before gently opening it to get the sonogram pictures inside. He had asked Dr. Wellington for it and she gladly complies, asking Harry to wait a few minutes as the pictures get printed out. During those minutes, Louis stays grasping Harry’s hand, pressing occasional kisses to the back of it and even tucking his face into Harry’s hair. Harry thought they were both fine then, until Dr. Wellington says a congratulations for the baby before they left.

Harry purses his lips as he stares at the picture. He only saw the baby less than thirty minutes ago, yet he’s feeling this kind of attachment to it. He lays a gentle hand on his belly, where the skin is pulled tight and firm, and slightly pudgy. But it’s not pudge, nor fat. It’s his _baby,_ and it’s inside him. Him and Louis had always dreamed of getting a baby; surrogate, or adopted, as long as they get a little bundle of joy running around their house, but instead they get something that comes from their own blood and flesh, the same hair, same eyes, same attitude, and same everything. He had also learned that his baby was only three weeks, barely seen, but he’s/she’s there. It’s an unexpected miracle, but Harry’s afraid that Louis won’t see it that way.

Minutes after Harry gets up to watch TV, Louis comes down from his long shower, shaking his hair and throwing a shirt to cover his bare torso. Harry looks up from the football match, “Hi.”

“Hi.” Louis sits close to him, kissing his cheek longer than necessary.

“Um..” Harry is suddenly careful of the words he’s going to let go, “Do you want to eat something? I can cook it if you want.”

“No need.” Louis shakes his head, “How about you? I’ll make you at least a sandwich while you go shower or something.”

Harry feels the aching need to ask what’s wrong and why Louis isn’t as thrilled like what he’s feeling, but he pushes it at the back of his head and trudges up the stairs and into the bathroom.

__

It’s like weeks, but it’s only been days. The hours have gone absolutely slower. They’ve already visited their parents just like what they’ve planned a week ago. Although Harry kept his mouth shut the entire time, because of Louis’ request and his consideration. “It’s still too early to tell them, Harry. You’re only three weeks long. I promise we can tell them when sonogram pictures aren’t the only thing we have as proof. It’s quite hard to believe a man getting pregnant these days.” And he softens the unintentional blow with an, “okay, baby?” with a kiss on Harry’s cheek. Harry understands him, he really does, but he can’t brush off the fact that he’s hurt. He had been since the small incident back at the clinic. Louis had been acting like he isn’t a father, and that hurt Harry. He’d still take care of the curly lad; yes he does, but whenever Harry would place a hand on his stomach, Louis would stare at it, not so subtle, before looking away, and whenever Harry would start talking, asking, or saying anything about anything related to the baby, Louis would simply shrug, and say that he has no idea even though he had encountered with six babies in total already. Harry saw how Louis normally is around babies just like Theo and Lux and sometimes a random fan’s child and he’d always wanted to get a baby for Louis just to see that beautiful lit up happy face, but right now Harry hadn’t seen that face in a long time.

“Don’t strain yourself.” Louis sighs, taking one suitcase from Harry’s grip from where he is carrying another suitcase.

Harry nods and follows Louis into the house, carrying the suitcase straight up their room and pouring every single used clothing into the hamper. He’d have to do the laundry extra early today. After changing out of his jeans and into a pair of sweats, he walks to the livingroom slowly, hand resting on his abdomen.

“I really don’t know, Liam.” Louis’ voice quietly rings through the room and Harry backtracks a little. The volume of the television gets higher but after having his ears screamed by thousands while having a conversation with someone helps him recover, “I mean, he’s pretty happy about it.”

Louis raises a hand up to rub his face as Liam yells through the phone, “Then why are you even considering this?! You know I’m starting to think that this is a joke, Louis. First, Harry being pregnant and now you wanting to get rid of this baby when both of you had been wanting this baby since four years ago-“

“I wouldn’t _joke_ about Harry getting killed.” Louis grits out, looking to the hallway for any signs of Harry, but the curly lad is completely out of the view, hidden behind the wall. Harry shakes his head at the words Louis is saying, “This is dangerous for him, Liam. I could lose both him and the baby a-and I can’t.. I can’t afford that having to happen to me. I don’t know what to _do.”_

“Hey, hey, Lou, shh.” Liam’s voice doesn’t do anything to soothe Louis’ nerves and emotions, “You’ve said everything to me, and you mentioned something about 6.. 7 men getting pregnant, yes?”

Louis wipes his thumb across his eyelid, “Yeah.”

“And the other half of them making it with their babies all healthy?” Liam asks, waiting for Louis’ reply which is a sniffled, “Yeah.”

“Well, Harry’s already one of those men who has the ability to get pregnant, we both know that, but if we’re all careful enough, if you and him both take good care of that baby and Harry, we’ll have a higher chance of Harry staying than leaving.” Liam slowly lays out fhe facts, “You can’t take that baby away from both of you, Louis. I know you feel like you have to, but I know you don’t want to.”

Louis sniffles into his hand and Harry peeks from the livingroom just the slightest to see Louis pacing back and forth on the livingroom, a hand over his mouth as he grabs the remote and volumes the television higher up. Harry hides behind the wall again, heart clenching painfully at the sight of his Louis sobbing and not being there to comfort him.

“I want that baby, Liam.” Louis feels so vulnerable, so little and pathetic and stuck between two different options; one being the safe but heart-wrenching, and the other one being dangerously risky but partially a miracle. “But I also want Harry to be healthy and not be in any forms of danger. I can’t ..- I can’t risk my boy; I love him too much.”

“Talk to him, Louis.” Liam demands softly.

Louis sobs, “He’ll hate me.”

“Lou?” Harry steps out from his space behind the wall, fingers intertwined and unsure. Louis turns his back to him, his other hand furiously wiping his face with the front of his shirt. He hangs up from the call and tosses his phone on the couch, never facing his boyfriend as he sobs into his hands.

“Lou.” Harry steps closer to Louis, grabbing his wrist softly, “Please talk to me.”

“I don’t want you to hate me.” Louis finally answers behind one hand which Harry pries away from him.

“No, no.” Harry promises wholeheartedly, “I won’t.”

“I can’t lose you.” Louis rests his forehead on Harry’s shoulder, “I can’t, Harry, I can’t.”

“What are you saying, Lou?” Harry gasps at Louis’ words, “You won’t lose me. I’m not leaving. Who told you that?”

Louis wheezes, “The doctor.”

“What?”

“The baby is dangerous for you, Haz.” Louis pleads, clinging to Harry’s shirt for god’s sake, “H-He… She’s not made for you and.. and you might not make it and I can’t-“

“Louis …” Harry’s eyebrows pulls together, “Of course he’s made for me, that’s exactly why he’s in me and he’s growing healthily and-“

“How can you be so sure?!” Louis cries out, “Dr. Wellington told me, Harry! Even told you! This baby isn’t going to be good for you!”

Harry pulls away from Louis completely, having to struggle from taking his hands from Louis’ grip, “How can you say anything like that? This is your child, Louis!”

“It’s not mine if it doesn’t do any benefit to you!” Louis runs a frustrated hand through is hair, “Harry, I can’t risk _anything!_ Do you know what the doctor told me?! She told me there’s a chance that I could lose you if you can’t take it! I could lose you and the baby both and I can’t live without you breathing and having to hear your heartbeat!”

“So you want to get rid of him, is that what you’re saying?!” Harry steps back from Louis, stumbles as if Louis’ words is pushing him away.

Louis inhales sharply, “If it means that you’d get to live your life, then yes.”

“No!” Harry demands, “This is my baby, Louis, and I’ve wanted this all my life! _We_ both wanted this! I thought you’d want to have children, too! Even as young as you are!”

Louis shakes his head, “That is not a lie, Harry, and you know that! I’ve always wanted to have a little family with you but not like this! Never like this.”

“I can’t _believe_ you’re talking like this about your own baby.”

“Harry, you don’t understand-“

“I’m leaving.” Harry turns on his heel and back to the hallway, tears prickling his eyes as he goes to his room to grab his car keys, phone, wallet and a jumper. Meeting Louis halfway on the hall, he glares, pushes past his boyfriend before fleeing without another word. Louis chases after him, of course; runs to the porch and into their driveway to see Harry getting ready to leave. He bangs on the window once, tries to open the door before Harry locks it forcefully. He yells, pleads, begs for Harry to _please stay, Haz, come back! We can still fix this!_ But Harry doesn’t listen; simply backs away from the driveway and Louis jumps backward and lands on his bum as he gets up as quickly as he could only to get smoke emitted from the car on his face as Harry drives away.

__

Harry stays with his Mum, driving all the way there for four whole hours on a midnight and arrives all cuddled in Louis’ mistaken jumper and a hand cradling his belly. His mum had opened the door with sleepy eyes, eyes widening as she had quickly ushered Harry inside.

__

“He’s at Anne’s, Louis.” Niall soothes through the phone. “Gemma called me, demanded why the hall aren’t you answering your calls. I figured Harry told them, Lou.”

Louis doesn’t flinch, or get affected at the fact that Harry told his family. All he wants is for Harry to come home all safe and unharmed. He’d been aching to just drive there and drive Harry home himself, but he doesn’t want to put more discomfort into Harry. If he wanted space, Louis would give him it, even though it physically and emotionally hurts him to keep him away like this. And he was given the message when one day Robin had come over, asking for Harry’s stuff. Louis invited him inside for a tea; Robin declined. He couldn’t take Harry away from there especially if all he wants is his family and their assurance, not Louis.

Although Louis is completely wrong. All Harry wanted is LouisLouisLouis. He doesn’t want to wake up every morning having Danny from The Script on his old poster look back at him. All he wants is Louis, but he can’t just show up in there and forgive Louis. It’s not that easy. Louis had hit Harry to his core and the curly lad is hurt pretty badly. Harry _will_ keep this baby even if it means having his life taken at the end.

“What are you going to name him?” Gemma softly pets at Harry’s stomach, his shirt ridden up just above his abdomen to let his sister touch.

“I’m only four weeks, Gem.” Harry smiles, but it disappears so soon. “I’ll find my favorite name soon.”

“You’d go back to Louis, you know?” Harry looks down at that and Gemma continues, “Maybe you think no right now, but sooner or later you’d be aching for him, with what, hormones and all.”

“I already miss him.” Harry pouts out his wobbling bottom lip as his eyes get teary, “He just really hurt me.” Gemma sits close by to let Harry rests his head on her shoulder, “He’s a miracle and a curse at the same time.”

He doesn’t know if he’s talking about Louis or their baby.

__

Harry returns from their home after his first week at his mum’s. Louis quickly pulls him tight into his arms, pulling him inside and into the warmth of their home. Louis peppers Harry with kisses and tears, murmuring words like, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, baby. So sorry, please come back to me, I’m sorry. ‘M such a dick, I’m sorry.”

And Harry simply nods and kisses Louis quiet.

They are fine after that.

The next day, Harry asks Louis about it; it’s a request, actually, and due to recent damages, Louis says yes; “Louis? Can we um…”

“What is it, baby?” Louis asks, stroking his boyfriend’s hair.

“Can we see our baby again?” Harry asks and Louis can practically feel the hope radiating off of Harry. Louis doesn’t hesitate, no he doesn’t because he’s also curious about everything and he’s not going to cause another fight again.

He nods, “Sure, lovely.”

They had skipped on their first two-weekly checkup, so they are five days early today. Dr. White is quite surprised when she sees them enter her office, “Mr. Styles, Mr. Tomlinson. I believe our appointment won’t be until on Saturday, yes?”

“We skipped out the last one for private reasons.” Louis speaks up, “But we wanted to see our baby.”

Dr. White smiles sweetly before nodding, aware that they are both _too_ early for another checkup, but she lets it slide past because they are new parents with an unexpected baby, “Sure, Mr. Styles?”

Harry, as well as Louis, follows the doctor for the ultrasound once again and this time, they both don’t freak out.

__

2.13 inches, and 0.49 ounces; week 12.

Harry has a stomach now but it’s still covered if he is to wear a big jumper, which he always does. He can’t wear Louis’ because Louis is so much tinier than him. It’s unnoticed yet, because people think, not that they do, that he just eats so much, which he does. Harry’s in love with the baby already, cooing every day and night at any room in their house. He barely goes out, too, because Louis has scared himself away from taking Harry out when their neighbor points out Harry’s raised, but firm stomach last week, so now Louis does all the buying while Harry either stays at home or pouts in their car.

“Do you still feel nauseous?” Louis asks with a hand rubbing Harry’s lower back.

“No, I’m fine.”

“You haven’t had morning sickness since yesterday, which must be good.” Louis nods, but purses his lips, “I should really start researching about this pregnancy thing.”

Harry smiles, eyes still sleepy from waking up early, thinking he’ll throw up, “You’ve seen four pregnancies, you should know what to do.”

“Yeah, but yours is a different story.” Louis murmurs.

Harry gestures to the laptop, “You can the History of our laptop. Done research last night.”

“Will do.”

Both of them are doing great, they go to their appointments with Dr. White on time, and none are missed. There aren’t any problems with the baby and Harry. Louis, being honest, mentioned to Harry that he’s still quite uneasy with all these at the fifth week, and Harry only nods at him and tells him that there are nine months through this, and he knows that Louis will be ready by then. Louis only kissed him quiet.

But again, being honest, Louis teared up when they first heard the baby;s heartbeat at the seventh week, and he couldn’t be happier.

“How are you feeling?” Louis’ nose scrunches as Harry dips his pickle into the chocolate syrup they have.

“Hungry.” Harry answers, biting down on his pickle.

“May I just say that your cravings are extremely weird and disgusting?” Louis cuddles Harry under his arm, sharing the blanket the pregnant man.

Harry pouts, “You haven’t even tried it.”

Louis chuckles, placing a kiss on Harry’s temple, deciding to mess with his man, “But they really don’t mix together at all, baby.”

Harry tears up suddenly as he scoots away from Louis and to the far end of the couch, but as soon as he’s away an inch, Louis laughs in amusement and tugs him right back in his arms, pressing dozen kisses in his curly hair, “Don’t be mad. I’m just kidding, I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Harry huffs.

“I’ll get you twice the chocolate next time, and milk.” Louis promises, “Forgive me?”

Harry glances at him, blushing at the attention, “Okay.”

“You’re adorable.”

Sometimes Harry is upset the whole day, barely sharing a smile. His lips are always pouted, and when Louis kisses him better, it would reduce to a tight line. Louis asks why, and Harry answers because his nipples are getting more sensitive than before, quite bluntly really, and Louis can’t help but clear his throat and adjust himself in his pants.

When Harry enters his second trimester, he begins to eat more, and Louis loves it. The older man always keeps an eye on his boy; reminding him what to eat and what not to eat. He’s been researching now, and maybe if he doesn’t have his job he can be an OB-GYN with how much he’s known now. Besides the eating, Louis can also notice the darkening areas in Harry’s skin such as his eyes, and slightly on the inner thighs. It shows that Harry is really pregnant. His stomach definitely grew, too, and Harry always _always_ has a hand on it whenever possible. Louis can’t blame him, because when they sleep, both of them has their hands on Harry’s belly, too.

Their friends often watch over Harry when Louis’ in need of work and Harry needs company. However, Louis turns unlucky for a day when he gets a call from Harry, answering with, “Baby, are you alright? You need to answer me, come on—“ He’s sure that the pregnant man is sobbing, sniffling into the phone and he hears Liam’s voice coaxing him.

“Our baby moved.” Harry sniffles, before he chuckles. Louis visibly relaxes, head hitting on his table with papers all over and messed up from trying to find his phone in frantic, “Our baby kicked. He—He, I felt him move, Lou!”

“Oh God, I thought it’s something worse.” Louis sighs in relief quite loudly and his officemates look at him. He turns away, “I feel so bad that I didn’t feel it.”

“It’s okay.” Harry giggles, “He’ll.. or she’ll move sometime for you.”

“Thank you, lovely, that soothes me.” Louis smiles fondly, “But I have to go back to work before my boss comes out and throws shit at me.”

Harry laughs, and Louis smiles again at the sound, “Okay, I love you.”

“I love you, too, darling.” Louis hangs up.

When he gets home, he thanks Liam, who nods and leaves with a simple goodbye. Harry is basically happy for the whole night after, and Louis catches him talking to the baby in the bed from where he’s brushing his teeth in the bathroom, “You’re going to be the most loved baby ever. Your daddy and I can’t wait for you. We know it’s still a long way, but I love having you inside me so it’s okay.”

“You talking to your little miracle, baby?” Louis climbs in the bed, face full of fond

Harry blushes deeply, and he quickly reaches to the nightstand to flick off the light once Louis settles in under the duvet beside him. Louis chuckles, “It’s adorable.” He nuzzles his nose into Harry’s shoulder, arm around him, just above his belly.

Louis wakes up early five minutes before his alarm. He turns it off quickly and gently places a kiss on Harry’s shoulder before slowly climbing out of the bed, careful of his movements to prevent waking the younger lad. It’s always difficult for them to separate especially in Harry’s condition. Louis showers quickly and grabs a granola bar and an apple from their fruit tray. He makes sure to leave Harry a kiss goodbye. He makes his way downstairs, still quiet. He’s not ready to leave, and when he opens the front door, he’s met with a woman in overly-sophisticated close, and a van in front of their front yard.

Louis frowns in confusion, “May I help you?”

“You are Mr. Tomlinson, yes?”

Louis hesitates, “That would be me, and you are?”

She offers a hand, and Louis stares at it, “I was sent here to interview you about your husband—“

“Woah, woah, what?” Louis holds up a hand, sending a glance towards the hall. He loves calling Harry ‘husband’, really, and he can’t help but keep the label in. “You’re not ‘interviewing’ my husband, and you don’t know anything so I don’t know why you’re interfering.”

“He is reported to have a rare, and unusual situation upon him and we request to share it—“

“You’re making situations worse, now please kindly leave and leave us the fuck alone before I call the cops for trespassing.” Louis snarls.

“It’s only a small request—“

“You don’t even have full proof.” Louis is starting to get scared, “Leave.”

“Louis?” Louis hears Harry’s groggy and he hates the way the woman wickedly smile at him and straighten her back further when Harry pops his head from the hall. Louis silently sends him a glance. Harry nods hesitantly before disappearing once again.

“Leave.” Louis firmly says before slamming the door in the face. That isn’t polite and mature, he knows, but that simple conversation scares Louis and he doesn’t people all up on he and Harry’s property because of their baby.

As soon as the door’s shut, Harry appears, hands cradling his belly. Louis sighs and hugs him close protectively, “Sorry. People are starting to know and that’s dangerous for you both.”

“It’s okay.” Harry nods, “They can’t break in here. They don’t have the right.”

Louis nods, “I know that, lovely, but I can\t keep you in here and I know that sometime later you’d be dying to go outside. They probably won’t even stop questioning us even after our baby is born.”

“Let’s not worry about it.” Harry soothes, “They can’t force us. Lift your lips up, come on. You’re gonna be late for work.”

“Are you sure you’re alright on your own?” Louis doesn’t want to leave, but he needs to work for his little family here.

“Yes,” Harry nods, “I can ask Mum or Gemma to come over.”

“That’d be great. Call me at any time if something happens, alright?” Louis hates to leave every morning with his boyfriend all cuddled up in a jumper and boxers with a pregnant stomach and wide, sleepy eyes.

“Okay. I love you.”

Louis presses a kiss to his lips, “I love you, too.”

Harry is excited the next morning, happy and giddy because both of them knows that today, they’ll see their baby again and know the gender. He’s already at four months, soon hitting four and a half. Dr. White told them that they could already determine the baby’s gender, but not always, but they’ll try anyways.

They manage to go to their doctor’s appointment without being seen, sighing in relief. Dr. White chuckles, “You two are wanted everywhere, you know? Tv shows, the news.”

“It’s annoying.” Louis admits, “They never stop.”

Dr. White nods in agreement, “They also went by here a few times, actually.” That has both of them sitting up, alert. The doctor chuckles, “They wanted a few words from me, and I told them to leave.”

“Thank you.” Louis breathes out, “We appreciate it.”

“It’s not my place to say, and it’s obvious that you two are avoiding it either.” Dr. White smiles reassuringly, “So it’s your 19th week, yes? Wow, you definitely are showing.”

Harry grins but then it reduces to a slight pout, “He or she’s not very active, though. She kicks sometimes, and I’ve only felt her wiggle once.”

“There’s a chance that they’re just not that enthusiastic, or they’re always very tired.” Dr. White chuckles, “Let’s go check your baby out, hm?”

It’s the same procedure; Harry lies down on the bed and lifts up his shirt. Dr. White spreads some gel all over it and puts the wand over Harry’s tummy, moving it around until she gets a good angle of our baby. She points finger to it, “You can see the arms and the legs, and the umbilical cord. He/she is now about..14cm and should weigh about 240g. The nerve cells on the baby’s brain are developing now in their areas. Everything’s going quite well, actually. Ready to know the gender?”

“Yes, yesyesyes.” Harry nods eagerly, sitting up and eyes wide at the monitor. She points to the lower part of the baby’s body, at the core, and asks, “Do you see anything?”

“No..” Louis observes.

“Right.” Dr. White chuckles at the men’s expression, “And girls don’t have penises.”

“Girl!” Louis cheers, eyes bright and happy. He leans over and cups Harry’s cheeks, “We’re going to have a girl, Hazza!”

Dr. White laughs at the reaction. Both of the daddies are positively crying into their faces, with Louis pressing dozen kisses into Harry’s face. After the checkup, both of them go straight to a baby store which is in a private place.

“We are going to spoil her rotten.” Louis chuckles, picking up a ponytail with a red ribbon on it, “Wow, a girl.”

They do buy a few things, and Louis already buys a car seat and stuffs it inside the car, all ready for use. They go home happy, and Harry ends up being horny and Louis makes love to him slow for the first time since they found out.

“So happy.” Harry gasps, tilting his head back as Louis trails kisses on his jaw and down to his neck, sucking a bruise on the base. He earns a throaty moan from Harry.

“You look so good.” Louis pulls Harry’s shirt off after taking off his, dropping them in a pile on the floor. Once Harry’s oversensitive nipples are exposed, Louis ducks down and takes one straight in his hot mouth, his free hand going up and flicking his other nipple. Harry tangles his hands in Louis’ hair, tugging slightly and whining at the sensation, “Louis, _please.”_

“Alright, alright.” Louis playfully chuckles before connecting their lips as his hands slides down on Harry’s belly gently and smoothly, “Love our baby.” Louis says in a hushed breath.

Harry only tugs Louis back to his lips, and they slide, tongue reaching further into their mouths. Louis fumbles with Harry’s waistband before tugging it down. Harry helps him, lifting his legs slightly before Louis drops it to the floor. He trails down Harry’s body and sucks a bruise on Harry’s hip.

Harry feels slight pain in his lower back, spreading on his lower abdomen. He ignores it. It’s just some muscle cramps he always gets starting from the last few days.

Louis stops sucking at his hip once he’s satisfied with the red spot. He pulls down Harry’s boxers, nuzzling his face beside Harry’s dick as he pulls Harry’s boxers off his legs. Louis glances up, “So beautiful.”

Harry blushes deeply at the praise, a smile getting bit off, “Thank you.”

Louis smiles and quickly engulfs Harry’s cock with his mouth, sucking at the tip as the tongue continuously works around his tip. Harry whimpers, hands threading through Louis’ hair again, “Fuck, Lou, _please, more_.”

Louis braces Harry’s hips to the bed, and the slight pain Harry’s feeling quickly returns. He winces, eyes shutting closed. Louis notices it quickly, crawling up, “Baby, are you alright?”

Harry opens his eyes, “Yea, yeah. I’m alright.”

Louis asks one more, and Harry assures him once again before Louis gets back to his duties on making Harry hard, which really didn’t take long because Harry has been sporting a semi since their card ride back home. Louis lubes up three of his fingers; Harry has got to be tighter as ever now for the past months of no sexual activities.

They exchange positions after Harry is opened up. They have to move carefully and slowly before Harry settles on Louis’ thighs. He has a hesitant look on his face, and Louis confronts him about it, “Love, is there something wrong? We don’t have to do this if you’re not up for it.”

“No, no. I am.” Harry insists, wincing as he moves forward again. Louis lifts a hand to his lower back to steady him, “Sorry, Leg cramp.”

Louis nods, “Do you want to continue? Or do you want us on our sides?”

“This is fine.” Harry insists.

“We’ll stop if needed.” Louis reminds, “Safeword, alright?”

Harry nods, but then he’s slowly inching forwards. Louis sighs, “Really, what’s wrong?”

“I’m not too heavy?” Harry almost whimpers, “Squashing you or anything?”

“No, no.” Louis smiles and leans up to kiss Harry softly, “You’re perfect, beautiful. You’re carrying our baby.”

“Thank you.” Harry nods before he earns enough courage to inch forwards and reach behind him to align Louis’ tip against his hole. He pushes down slowly, slowly, slowly until Louis fills him up completely.

“God.” Louis gasps for air, “Shi—Hell, baby. You’re so _fucking_ tight, fuck.”

“Feels so good, Lou.” Harry whimpers, his hands on Louis’ chest as he rocks his hips experimentally, “ _Oh!”_

Harry rotates his hips into small circles before he slowly transitions to faster and bigger circles. All this grinding makes Louis’ tip rub deliciously into Harry’s spot. It makes Harry stop for a moment, throwing his head back before he rises. When he drops, he whimpers loud, not only at the pleasure but also the pain increasing before it’s pushed aside again.

 _“Louis.”_ Harry moans, mouth open wide and eyes shut. “’M close.”

Louis grips on Harry’s hips before thrusting up suddenly, hard but not enough to jostle Harry badly. Harry groans. Louis repeats the movements a few times before Harry’s spurting into their stomachs, his muscles tensing before relaxing once again. Harry plan to stay connected with Louis so he could make the latter come also, but Louis is already pulling out and laying Harry down before hovering on top of him, his fist tight around his cock and jerking off quickly.

Harry watches, hand on Louis’ cheek as the lad bites his lip to suppress his moans. Harry runs his thumb over Louis’ bottom lip, making Louis let it go and release his moans. Harry reaches to Louis’ cock with his free hand, pushing away Louis’ and wrapping his fist tightly around Louis. The latter gasps at the rough, calloused hand around him, jacking him off quickly. He doesn’t know how he comes, maybe it’s from where Harry’s constantly pressing a thumb and flicking over his tip that does it.

“Shit, Haz.” Louis comes, releasing on Harry’s stomach before collapsing beside him. They even out their breathing. Once Louis does, he stands up again and grabs a wet towel to wipe them both off.

“I love you,” Louis murmurs, wiping on Harry’s stomach gently.

“I love you, too.”

Louis snorts, “I wasn’t talking to you. Was talking to our baby girl.”

Harry laughs, and pinches him lightly, “Mean.”

“I love you.” Louis chuckles, rubbing their noses after he puts the towel to the nightstand.

“I love you, too.” Harry repeats.

-

“What do you want to name her?” Louis asks, playing with Harry’s fingers as they lay side-by-side on their bed.

“Something without any hints of our names on it.” Harry giggles.

Louis smiles, “Why?”

“It’s weird.”

“Hm?” Louis shifts so he’s facing Harry, his elbow propping him up, “How about the names of our mums?”

Harry rolls his eyes and huffs, “Don’t go Twilight on me.”

“Hm…” Louis laughs, “Give me a letter between 1 to 23.”

“12.” Harry smiles knowingly.

Louis counts with his fingers, and when reaches the 12th letter of the alphabet, he huffs fondly, “You’re the one who said that our baby’s name shouldn’t relate to us, and then you pick the letter L, which is my initial.”

Harry scoots closer, “Oops, I forgot.”

“You’ve always wanted to name your first daughter, Darcy. So how about it?”

“Darcy, Harry.” Harry shrugs, “Rhyming.”

“How about Louise?” Louis teases, “It’s very different.”

“Paloma is cute.”

“You are absolutely kidding.”

“Persephonie?”

“That’s a name? What’s with the letter P?”

Harry shrugs, “It’s a random thought. Both of us wanted to be random, right?”

“How about Zelda?”

“Hm.. I think Renesmee is more fitting.” Harry giggles.

“Timothy?”

“Sure, we’ll name our baby girl Timothy.”

-

“Hurts.” Harry whimpers, hands on his lower abdomen as he slumps on his couch. It’s getting worse everyday. Harry knows it’s not from his muscles. He gets pain from his feet and back sometimes, but pain in the abdomen, near his belly and near his _baby_ can be dangerous risk.

Louis rushes to his aid, eyebrows furrowed. “Baby, are you alright? Does it hurt here?” His hands gently settles on Harry’s hands where they rest on his abdomen.

Harry nods helplessly, “So much.”

“Oh God, alright. I’ll call Dr. White, okay?” Louis grabs his phone on the coffee table and quickly calls Dr. White. She answers in four rings, “Louis, yes?”

“Harry’s abdomen is hurting.” Louis rushes out, “He says it hurts so much and—“

“Get him to the hospital quick, okay? Don’t bring him to the clinic, he needs immediate help if he’s hurting in that area.” Dr. White says, and she looks like she’s frantic, too.

Louis’ eyes widened, “what? What do you mean—?”

“Quickly, please, Louis. And don’t hang up. You need to update me about Harry. Call the ambulance.” Dr. White tells him.

Louis quickly turns to Harry, who is speaking to his baby with tears in his eyes, “Baby girl, y-you need to stay strong for me, alright? You can’t leave my stomach yet. You still have to grow. Dada loves you so much, please—“

“Haz.” Louis tears up himself, but he doesn’t need to cry and cause more drama; he needs to stay alert, “Haz, stay in line with Dr. White, okay? I’ll call the ambulance.”

Louis calls the ambulance, pacing back and forth. They are informed that they will get there in a few minutes before Louis hangs up. “Baby, baby, they’re coming here, alright? Can you bear the pain for a little while for me? Does it hurt so much?”

Harry nods, groaning, “Yes.”

“Do you feel like you’re giving birth?” Louis smacks himself mentally.

“No.” Harry sucks a harsh breath, tearing up more, “It just hurts, like.. _like_ bones fucking smashing—“

“Don’t speak like that, please.” Louis pleads, “They’ll be here soon, and when they think it’s time for our baby girl to come out here, then we have no other choice but to let them, alright?”

Harry shakes his head stubbornly, “Can’t let her go, Louis. Needs to stay inside to grow—“

“It’s dangerous, Harry—“ He cuts himself off, “We’re not arguing. I need you and our baby girl strong. I need you both.”

“We’re not leaving you.” Harry promises, eyes starting to get groggy because of the pain and _where the fuck is the ambulance._

“Please.”

The ambulance arrives and quickly takes the family. They’re puzzled at the sight of a seemingly pregnant man on the couch, but Louis yells at them to _fucking take him to the hospital goddamnit._ As the medics lift Harry up, they freeze instantly at the sight of the large red blotch of liquid in both Harry’s pajamas and on their couch. It’s like time stopped for a moment, and then they’re moving so much quicker than before.

Inside, the medics ask Louis questions as they lay Harry down on a cot with an oxygen mask. He’s already groggy, and Louis thinks they’ve out some harmless gas to make him feel like that, “H-He feels pain on his back and his abdomen. He said that to me once and we thought that it’s just cramps. It’s much worse now. O-Our doctor  said that the blood is … spotting? Like.. it’s a regular .. it’s normal for pregnancy, right?”

“Not with so much blood, Mr. Tomlinson.” The doctor answers, “We need to make sure he and the baby is fine, because you’ve got quite a situation happening here with a man pregnant.”

“They’re going to be okay.” Louis tells to himself as he kisses Harry’s hand repeatedly, praying to help his little family to survive this, after all they’ve been through.

-

It’s bad news.

As soon as they get to the hospital, everyone seems to be staring at Harry and his belly, but no one dares to come between and no nurse or doctor bothers to stop what they’re supposed to do. The life of Louis’ family is in their hands right now and they don’t want to just stop and wonder how the hell that man got pregnant.

Louis paces back and forth in the hall right in front of the emergency room, head in his hands. He can’t stay inside the room, because he can’t, and he doesn’t want to get in the way of the doctors saving his babies’ lives. It can be hopeless, and he seems so desperate but desperate is an understatement. He will do anything; pay anything just for them to do everything they can to save both of them. Anything. Louis doesn’t need their bullshit; he needs them to work as hard as possible.

They last inside that room for hours, and Louis can’t hear anything but the stretchers and wheelchairs and people talking and people crying. He’s the only one hysterical and sobbing his heart out. A nurse comes by to check if he’s alright, and Louis doesn’t reply, so she walks away.

He doesn’t move from his spot for three whole hours, head in his hands and head starting to get light from the amount of tears he let go in one go. He snaps out, however, when a hand rests on his shoulder. He looks up and sees Harry’s mother and he cries again. He keeps on apologizing and both of them don’t know why.

After some time, Jay comes, too with Gemma, saying that they met at the entrance. Liam, Niall and Zayn follows, and the seven of them all sit outside and wait.

Louis instantly knows something bad had happened when the doctor comes out with guilt, not relief, not gratefulness; guilt. Louis marches to him, “Tell me.”

“Your baby didn’t make it.”

-

Louis enters Harry’s room, face blank and his footsteps are heavy. He’s emotionless, but you could see the red rim of his eyes and his stuffed nose and messy hair and stained cheeks. Harry is still unconscious, sleeping on the comfortable pillows and it makes Louis’ heart clench fucking painfully where Harry’s stomach is flat and no longer that belly they love to get their hands on every time.

“Your baby didn’t make it.”

It made everything stop. When the doctor had said that, Louis just stares at him, lips parted with shock and eyes full of denial. Everyone behind him is positively having their own breakdown, but Louis remained still, until he shoves the doctor aside and barges in through the emergency room himself. The first thing he sees is Harry, his hospital gown stained with a little blood, his face pale and unconscious. And then he sees the nurses and the other doctor; all their bloody surgery gloves and their sweat.

Then he notices the pediatric bed, covered in white sheet and blood. He backs away, eyes again filling with tears as his breathing gets heavier. He starts to hyperventilate and his heart is racing so fast that he can’t keep up. He’s suddenly pulled into a tight hug and he’s trembling so violently. His head feels light and he’s sure he’s sweating buckets.

“Louis, Louis.” Niall says behind Jay’s shoulder, cupping his cheeks and making him look into those calm blue eyes, “Louis,” He says firmly but gently, “Just breath. Deep, long breaths, come on.”

Louis just stares into those blue eyes and starts to try and calm his breathing, but his eyes are filling with tears again and Niall’s quick, “I understand that you’re upset; we’re here for you, Lou. You need to be strong, you’re safe with us. Follow my lead, come on. I need you to take deep breaths for me.”

Louis starts to follow the blonde’s instructions, chest heaving up and down. Soon, he’s okay again, no. No, he’s not. He’s not okay.

He sits down at the chair next to Harry’s bed before grabbing Harry’s hand, leaving the other one with the IV resting on his stomach. Louis nuzzles his face into Harry’s palm. He cries and cries and cries. And he’s probably going to cry again once Harry wakes up.

All he hears is Harry’s heart monitor, beeping calm and steady. Louis thinks, if he’s not here with Harry, he’d probably be waiting outside the baby room looking at other babies in their tiny beds and tiny blanket until his baby own comes out.

Harry whimpers awake, eyes flashing open and Louis already in his side, standing up and kissing the back of his hand repeatedly, “Good morning, baby.”

“What time is it?” Harry asks.

“About two in the morning, baby.” Louis strokes his hair, “You’ve been here for a long while. Starting from five in the—“

“Where’s our baby?” Harry’s eyes flashes wide and full of panic, and he’s ready to settle down and relax in the sheets once Louis tells him that she’s safe and being dressed in the baby’s room.

Except it doesn’t come.

“Louis.” Harry repeated firmly, “Where’s our baby?”

“Haz.” Louis gulps, “You need to stay calm for me, okay?”

“No.” Harry slides his hand off Louis’ grip as he looks around the room, “Where is she?! I need to see her, I—“

“She’s gone.” Louis says like it’s a whisper.

Harry stops, falls quiet, “What?”

Louis bows his head down in defeat, “She died, Haz. Threatened miscarriage, that’s what they call it.”

“No.” Harry’s eyes fills with tears as he covers his face with his hands and begins to sob in them. The sound is cutting through Louis. “No, nonono _nono-_ That can’t be true, Louis. She’s only five months old, she can’t- _she can’t leave us, Lou-“_

“Shh, shh.” Louis sniffles into Harry’s hair, engulfing the lad in his arms but careful enough not to jostle Harry, “Baby, baby, take it easy, please. Your stitches are still fresh, please, do this for me.”

Harry cries and sobs into Louis’ neck, shaking his head repeatedly and he suddenly wants to rip the stupid IV off his hand and run to the baby room to really check, but he’s scared that if he does, he won’t find his baby waiting through the other side of the glass.

“Our baby.” Harry whimpers.

-

They don’t get better.

Anne has stayed in their house for a whole week to keep an eye on the boys after Harry’s been emitted from the hospital. It’s a heartbreaking sight to see Louis open the door to the passenger seat for Harry and see the car seat all ready and set up in the back seat. He only turns to the boys and whispers “Get rid of it, please.” And Liam’s the one to take it down.

The first night, they spend it together in their bed, facing each other because that’s what they need; each other. There is no one but themselves to comfort and support the other. If no one is ready to move on, both of them are going to get stuck in the past. So Louis makes the first move. After seven days of looking after both of them, Louis con fronts Anne, thanks her and tells her that she can go home, too. She does, hesitantly.

It’s difficult to get Harry out of bed; to get him to do anything that’ll help the both of them. He doesn’t eat, he doesn’t shower, he doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t talk. The house is quiet when there are supposed to be babbles of a baby or a whine or a shriek every day and night. But no, Louis can only listen to Harry’s sobs through the hallway from their room.

“Harry, please eat, baby.” Louis puts the tray down on their nightstand, and he pauses, stares at the sonogram picture of their baby in the frame. He puts it down and carries on, “Harry, please.”

Harry continues to look at the wall, that’s his position for the whole day. Louis sighs, “Lovely, do this for me, please.”

Harry turns to him momentarily, and he speaks, “Thank you.” Before turning back to the wall.

Louis runs a hand through his face, “When I come back here, your food needs to be at least half eaten.” It’s not, not a single bite when he comes back. His demand is useless. He knows demanding something from Harry wouldn’t get to him, but he tries, really. He tries to be the rock between the both of them and he won’t stop until everything goes back to normal. If it doesn’t, at least back to both of them truly and completely happy.

Days after the incident passed, news have blown out, everyday is crazy, they’re all over the news, the newspapers. But it eventually died down after weeks, and both of them seem to die along with them. Harry only stays in his room, whereas Louis can now walk around and talk to the boys and their family. Harry’s got it the worst. And Louis wishes he knows what to do just to make Harry happy. One day his question is answered.

Louis looks down at the sink, fingers drumming against the metal as he pulls his lips into a tight line. The house is quiet, and Harry’s not crying. It’s night, 8pm, and Louis managed to get Harry to eat three bites of his food before Harry pushes it away and lays back down on the bed. He’s already bathed, after all these days, and he just sat there on the bathtub as Louis washes his skin like a little child.

“Harry, please.” Louis pleads, hands on Harry’s knees as he stares right at Harry’s blank eyes. They’re at the kitchen, and it took Louis a lot of effort to make Harry come out of the room, “Just eat for me. I can’t have you like this forever.”

Harry doesn’t answer, of course he doesn’t. And it’s making Louis frustrated. He knows, alright? He knows how great the loss they had and how much they’re affected but the time has to come for both of them to move on with their lives. Louis can’t leave Harry all on his own and he always asks for a leave in his work, and Harry uses the incident as a sort-of-an-excuse for him to avoid going back to work himself. Nothing is working out.

Louis takes a deep breath, “I need you to talk to me, Haz. Anything. Tell me about the weather, what you’re feeling, just anything and I will listen to you. I need you to tell me what I have to do to make you yourself again. I can’t live without you actually living.”

Harry’s face crumples and his hands rise to cover his face, from what? They both don’t know why. “Baby—“

“I can’t live without our baby.” Harry whimpers through his hands. Louis turns from desperate to horrified for making his boy cry all over again. Harry chokes, “She was so perfect a-and all we have to do i-is make sure that she’s alright inside me.” Harry shakes his head, continues to sob all over his hands, “I failed.”

“No, no, nono.” Louis stands up taller on his knees and pries Harry’s hands away from his face, “Harry, you know that we did everything that we can to make sure she’s safe.”

Harry cries out, “It wasn’t enough! Ever since we got together, all I wanted was a baby for us. When we found out that I was _pregnant_ I couldn’t be happier even though I know that I’m a risk of dying!”

“Harry…” Louis is at loss for words, but continues to clutch at Harry’s wrists.

“She’s gone and—“ Harry gasps, “I want her back, Louis. I just want her back. That’s all that I’ll ever want. I won’t ask for more if you bring her back—“

“Harry.” Louis looks at the lad in pure shock, “Harry, love—“

“No!” Harry stands up, knocking Louis down to his bum as Harry paces back and forth with his hands curled tightly to his hair, “I just want her back, Louis— Taking her is so fucking s-selfish for fuck’s sake and she’s barely _complete!_ It’s my fault—Everything’s m-my fault and I should’ve… should have taken her so so much better and kept watch on her.”

Louis scrambles up to his aid, stopping his steps and making Harry look at him, “Harry, _Harry_ look at me—“

“No!” Harry tears away from him, “I don’t want to look at myself right now..” He gasps for air, “It’s my fault- a-all my fault. She died because of me—“

“Do you really think there’s someone to blame, Harry?!” Louis manages to yell out to cut through Harry’s emotional ramblings, “I can’t _believe_ you have the courage to blame yourself! You were _amazing_ throughout your pregnancy, Harry and we both know that! It’s no one’s fault that she’s gone! All we need is to accept it and move on instead of trying to find something about what’s wrong about the whole thing!”

“So you want to forget her?” Harry shoots back, “Is that it? You want to just throw her out and carry on with our lives like nothing happened?!”

Louis bellows, “Don’t you dare say that like it’s easy for me coping up with all this!”

“It seems like it was!—“

 _“Harry.”_ Louis grits through his teeth, “I am taking this as bad as you do, and don’t tell me that just because I chose to move on, means that I have to forget everything. I don’t, and I won’t. Do you fucking think I’m that low to forget all about _our first baby_?!”

“You didn’t want her in the first place, right?!”

“God- fucking, _Christ,_ Harry.” Louis yells in frustration, the veins popping in his neck, “I _do_ love our daughter and I always will! It was hard to accept her at first because it meant putting _you_ in danger—“

“Well, she _didn’t—“_

 _“Let me finish!”_ Louis demands harshly, and ignores the flinch that comes across Harry’s face. Harry needs to wake up, “Forgetting her is impossible, and I doubt that we will. She got taken away from us for whatever reason and god-knows-why she’s needed up there so soon. Neither of us is at fault, and I _despise_ that you’re blaming yourself when you’re the one who mostly protected her and kept her safe.”

Harry opens his mouth, probably to argue, but Louis gets there first, “Don’t cut me off; hear me out on this. Just this once, because I’m sick of seeing and hearing you cry every second of the day and it _kills_ me. I’m sick of you refusing to do anything productive for you and your health. We don’t need to forget her; all we have to do is to carry on with our lives and just always remember that we had experienced this. I just want us to be happy and back to normal. That’s it; that’s all I want for us.”

Harry doesn’t say anything afterwards, and they both cry their frustration out; all of it. Louis’ the first one to leave, walking past Harry and out to their back porch. Harry goes back to their room.

-

Louis enters the room after locking up the whole house, hesitant. Harry’s sitting up, and he looks up at Louis, his eyes tired, “Hey.”

“Hey, baby.” Louis walks over to place a lingering kiss on his temple. He kneels down in front of the lad, between his legs as he thumbs at Harry’s cheekbone; it’s becoming more prominent now, and Louis really needs Harry to eat more, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.”

Louis accepts that, although he doesn’t know if it’s a lie or something to keep him out of Harry’s back, “Do you want to eat? Or anything?”

“Just the bathroom.” Harry says, “I have to pee.”

Louis stands up and nods, “Okay, alright. I’ll fix the bed.”

As he watches Harry out the door, he quickly changes the sheets into new ones. He makes sure to change Harry’s because it reeked of sweat and tears and sadness, but Louis’ does, too. Harry comes back, still blank and calloused as ever. He sees Louis quickly finish the last few pillows before offering his boyfriend a small smile, “Thank you.”

Louis’ arms contain the old sheets and he nods, “Sure, baby. I’ll just put this in the hamper so I can wash them tomorrow.”

As Louis passes Harry, the curly lad turns around, weakly grasping Louis’ arm, “Um...—“

“Yeah, what is it, babe?” Louis is instantly alert, because this is the first conversation they had after the worst happened.

Harry nibbles on his bottom lip, shy, “Come to bed soon.”

“Sure, sure, love, I’ll be back as fast as possible.” He kisses Harry’s cheek again before dashing off to put away the dirty sheets. When he comes back, he finds Harry on the bed. He calms his emotions as he climbs on the bed beside Harry, and once again after a long time, Harry wiggles into Louis’ always-open embrace. Louis immediately engulfs him in his arms.

They don’t apologize to each other, because the right thing shouldn't be something to apologize for. They survive through the night, and Louis wakes up without his cuddle buddy. He walks through the hall and finds Harry in the kitchen and their table full of food.

Two years later, they celebrate Timothy, their baby boy's first birthday.

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! You made it! I can't believe you read the whole thing. hank you :) Enjoy the rest of your life, thanks for passing by.


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